There is something that happens when you become a Mum that means you suddenly find yourself needing a new network of friends. You are off alone on maternity leave while all your friends and family are at work and you are just at home with this little bundle of 'joy'. I say 'joy' because sometimes they do not bring you joy at all, sometimes they just bring frustration, anger and sorrow and no one understands that more than other new mums.
During my pregnancy I was able to talk to one of my very close friends who had been there before and was able to answer all of my crazy questions such as how many baby grows do I need to buy? What is it like straight after giving birth? I swear our what's app conversations when I was pregnant was just me asking her a million and one questions. Also during my pregnancy someone from work and my cousin were also pregnant so it was nice to share the pregnancy journey together.
The after birth experience though was very different. I had signed up to birthing classes but was unable to go to any due to complications in my pregnancy, so after my OH's paternity leave finished I had one mission and that was to find some Mum friends.
I entered my first class full of nerves and apprehension wondering who I would meet and if any of them would like me. We started off doing baby massage when our little Layla-Rose was just 8 weeks old. I met many Mums there but only 2 other first time mums. The others had been there, done that and got the T-shirt. One Mum in particular (Mama V) caught my eye as she was also bottle feeding and had a baby that looked small like Layla. We got talking and it turned out we had a lot in common; we both tried to breast feed but couldn't, our babies were both small and had problems and we both worked in schools. I went out of that class feeling better than I had done in days excited about the possibility of having a new mum friend. Thursdays soon became my favourite day with the promise of the baby massage class and my chance to mix with other mums. All to soon it was coming to an end though and I must admit I had a little panic about what I was going to do. One of the other Mums (Mama L) at the massage group mentioned about a library group that met every Wednesday so once again I braved this class in the hopes of meeting some Mum friends.
I had varying degrees of success in my attempts to make Mum friends with one incident that sticks in my mind. I was discussing sleeping with 2 other mums and they looked horrified as I told them about our co -sleeping arrangements. One of them even told me that I mustn't do that because of the risk of death and the other one piped up that she would never put her child at that kind of risk. I was so embarrassed I back tracked and said that when I said co-sleeping I meant she was still sleeping in the room with me. I thought there and then that I need to have Mum friends who I can be honest with and who won't make judgments on my choices.
After a few weeks of chit chat I was offered an olive branch by one Mama (Mama L) who invited me out for a coffee after one of the baby sessions. She had been the one to invite me to this baby session and who I had been chatting to for a few weeks. It took a lot for me not to jump up and shout YES! We went and met up with 2 other mums Mama A and Mama S who Mama L had made friends with at a breast feeding group. I was nervous but I kept to my vow and was honest. We discussed all things mum from birth stories to feeding and sleeping (or lack of) and I felt comforted in the knowledge that I wasn't alone. Mama S told me that she too co-slept.Thank goodness I wasn't going to get a lecture off these mamas!
Along the way we have been joined by Mama V (the mum who I first spoke to at baby massage) Mama Se and Mama Lo. We have a what's app group (yummy mummies) and we must message each other at least 10 times a day about all sorts; rants, tips, advice, comfort, laughs and the coffee shop meeting? It's become a regular thing with all of us meeting for coffee, cake and a chat. The other Mums have also been great in opening up doors to other things going on in our area and thanks to them me and Layla-Rose are able to fill our week with lots of wonderful things.
One of the best things about our group is that we are all first time Mums and have little ones around the same age, which means we are experiencing the same milestones and will continue to for the rest of our lives. These Mums are now my friends, my friends who have seen me through some of my toughest of times as a parent.
I am so lucky to have met these ladies so I urge all of you if you haven't already to go out, be brave and meet some Mum friends!
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